Have you ever had a panic attack? I haven’t, until yesterday. There are many articles on the web on how to deal with a panic attack and what it is etc. I felt sorry for the people but couldn’t imagine what it is like to have one – until I experienced one myself!
In my previous post, I shared with you my ten lessons I have learned from doing Karate. Karate is my passion but was also the trigger for my panic attack. Every week I train four hours, split in two hours Tuesdays and Thursdays. We are preparing ourselves for our belt exams, and our trainer pushes us with some extra cardio in every session.
The panic attack
I know that I haven’t got the best stamina, but it is a work in progress. As we were jumping around, doing push-ups, sprints etc. I slowly recognised that I couldn’t control my breath anymore, stopped my jumping and tried to calm down. It didn’t work so I slowly started to panic. I tried Child’s Pose from yoga. Nothing. I tried walking in circles, putting my hands on my knees but nothing helped.
This moment my grandfather, also my trainer, asked me if anything was wrong and tears started streaming down my face. He took my arms and tried to help me breathe, but nothing contributed to calm myself. In the bathroom, I lost it and everything came out of me. All the pressure and I couldn’t stop crying. After a few minutes, my trainer and classmates checked on me, and I slowly started to calm down. The whole experience is hard to explain.
Standing outside of my own body
It felt like I was standing outside of my own body. The worst part was that I didn’t know what to do. My mind was clear – or at least I thought so. But my body was shutting down.
This experience was a turning point in my life. I can’t push myself through everything alone. I am slowly building my coaching business and my doTerra essential oil business and also have a full-time office job. I realised I couldn’t do anything I want to do.
Even now, twenty-four hours later I still feel out of whack. Sleep didn’t help a lot. In the morning I put on my noise-cancelling headphones and listened to a guided meditation. I made sure I’d drink enough water. I applied some lavender essential oil to calm myself.
Life is too short
When I was just seven months old, my mother died of a heart attack. The muscle in the heart grew too much or was too thick, and the heart just stopped beating. She was only 23 years old back then. The same age I am now.
I have to visit the doctor every five years to make sure everything is fine. Lately, my heart felt heavy too. Two years ago I did my last checkup, and everything was well. Over the past few years, working full-time in the office, doing further education, doing my life coaching business and so much more took a toll on me. I realised I have to slow down.
But the perfectionist in me didn’t want me to stop. I pushed and still push myself through life. I have a hard time taking care of myself and say no. This panic attack was a wake-up call that my life is precious and yours too!
Take care of yourself!
I want to encourage you today to take some special care of yourself today and every day from now on. We only have this one precious life. There is no sense in stressing about all the tasks you didn’t accomplish today! You are doing fine!
Take a few deep breaths and smile.