I laid on the air mattress in the pitch darkness. Tears were streaming down my face. Crying silently so my sister couldn’t hear it. It has been about 6 months since my father left our family. I was the oldest of four sisters. I was the one who needed to be strong. We have just decided to rearrange rooms, and so as we were waiting for the new bunk bed to arrive, I slept on an air mattress reflecting on what had happened in my life.
There is one sentence that pops up in my mind until this very day. I once texted my best friend that “I am glad that my parents are AT LEAST still together”. Not like hers. And then I was thinking, what an asshole I had been. This is Karma. It hit you. You are now this girl too. You are in the “your parents are divorced” club too.
That night I was texting secretly with my boyfriend. Hiding the light under the blanket so my sister wouldn’t wake up. Just a few weeks earlier I had a big crush with a new co-worker, and we had a wild kissing scene. Not at work of course!
This guy didn’t leave my mind although I was now in a committed relationship. My boyfriend was always treating me like the last piece of s… He always made me feel sorry for all my decisions. He was still lovely, but it changed somewhere in the early weeks of our relationship.
Then there was this one text that changed a lot: “Stop complaining about the divorce of your parents. I do not want to hear that.
*shattering glass sound*
Pressing my fingers into my mouth, hot tears started to stream down my cheeks. This was the moment, back when I was only 15.5 years young that I have learnt that nobody gives an effing f.. about how you feel.
I felt secure in this „relationship“. I opened myself to him, and we even slept with each other. These words were like knives stabbing me and ever since I am on a journey of trusting more. That it is okay to be vulnerable. I am loved, and some people care.
There were many more incidences the past 10 years, but this was one of the most turning points in my life that had a lasting effect. What about you?